Thursday, 11 July 2013

Today was a strange day. I had been invited to a day at Papworth to a Transplant Event, they had presentations, talks, drinks, food and music.  It was lovely as i got to meet my twitter friends Stacie and Kath  & Rob who iv met before :)

So today was strange for me because well, during the talks they were having it didn't feel like i should be there if that makes sense. It was like i was there for someone else. I had to keep telling myself this is for me i need to listen, I don't know if im trying to block myself from listening. I always think i know everything about transplant but do i really? I think im to afraid to let myself find out more, to hear all the statistics from the surgeons themselves. I know this is happening to me and i know the basics really about the Op and after care... But i don't know if i want to know any more. I spoke to a nurse when i got back about feeling this way and she just said this is happening to me so i need to know and hear everything i get told. Which is true but i think im just scared. I know what is going to happen when i get the call but iv never let myself actually think about me in ITC after and all the chest drains and needles ect. I keep thinking il just deal with it when it happens and always thought that was a good way of dealing with it, but maybe its not, maybe i should listen and take all the details of it in. 

Today they told us that this year they have only done 2 heart-lung transplants. Two!! I was sitting at a table with two other friends that also like me need a heart and lung transplant, thats 3 of us right there! Its scary...maybe after almost 10 months on the list its all starting to hit me now?? 

Im going to ask to speak to my psychiatrist next week, maybe that will help me at the moment. Iv just got to much going through my mind.

Kath, Me, Stacie & her twin sister Megan today.


  1. Awww Bernice! I think it's a great idea to talk to the psychiatrist they'll probably be able to put you at ease. Some of the info was a little disheartening but I know what you mean for the first few months I did the same and just basically said I'll deal with it when it happens but then I started getting friends who had their transplants and it sort of exposed me to it more and I sort of had to listen then.

    I loved meeting you today and hopefully we'll get to see each other agin :D xoxo

  2. It was lovely to meet you too! Think i just need a good old chat with my lady, help me clear my head lol :) xxxx

  3. Bernice it is a very unusual situation that we are in and I think it is only natural to feel like you do. Your blog says it all 'One step at a time'. It was lovely to spend some time with you today and hope you get home soon.